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Good Cop, Really Bad Cop
zyx
helaas
Title: Good Cop, Really Bad Cop
Pairing: Yixing/Sehun
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5k
Summary: Just a typical day in the life of Officer Zhang Yixing and his partner/the constant thorn in his side, Oh Sehun.
Notes: written for justgetlayd round 2




By all accounts, Zhang Yixing is an exemplary police officer. He's kind, but stern, selfless in the face of danger and always doing his part to make the world a safer place. Plus he looks damn good in uniform. Over the course of his career, he's earned three service medals, an honorary key to the city, and even won the annual Boys in Blue charity wet t-shirt contest four years in a row (his nipples were described in the local newspaper as mesmerizing). In the game of life, Yixing is batting a thousand and every cop on the force would go a week without coffee and doughnuts just to spend a day patrolling the streets with him. So it was with some consternation (and three hours of downright begging to take it back) that Yixing grudgingly accepted the most overzealous, green, great hulking brat of a rookie as his new partner.

Sehun sighs loudly from the passenger seat. "This is so boring!" he says, checking out his reflection in the visor mirror and adjusting a pair of shiny aviators over his nose. "Where are all the bad guys at?"

From the driver's seat, Yixing frowns at him. His grip on the steering wheel tightens as he tries to focus on driving and not punching his partner right in his stupidly handsome face. "We're police officers, Oh, not Bruce Willis in Die Hard. A quiet city is a safe city."

"Safe and boring," Sehun says, slouching lower in his seat. He props up one dirty sneaker on the dashboard, a casual act that has Yixing gritting his teeth. "And don't call me that. Oh-this, Oh-that, Oh, Oh, Oh. It sounds like you're having an orgasm over there." He sits up a bit straighter and grins at Yixing, his face too sweet for the crude words coming out of his mouth. "Of course if you wanted to show me your actual o-face, you could call me whatever you want."

Yixing resolutely faces forward. "That's sexual harassment, Oh."

"Shut up, I know you secretly want to hold me in your arms and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Everyone knows we're eventually going to hook up."

Ten and two, Yixing reminds himself, clinging rigidly to the steering wheel to avoid doing something he might regret. Assault and battery on his own partner will result in far too much paperwork for one moment of pure joy. He takes a deep breath, the sticky August air not making him feel any better, and lets it out slowly. Yixing's got a job to do and he takes it very seriously, he's not going to let one smart-aleck rookie ruin his hard-earned reputation. But he is curious where his partner gets these ridiculous ideas.

"Why, exactly, does everyone know we're going to hook up?"

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Haven't you ever watched TV before? Two attractive people working together always have sexual chemistry!"

Oh, is that what you call it when you want to strangle the life out of someone? Sexual chemistry? Deciding not to encourage him with a response, Yixing ignores Sehun and continues driving. He'd never, ever wish for a crime to be committed, but he wouldn't mind driving past a mugging or something right now. Pulling his gun on some dirtbag would certainly make him feel a lot better. He's keeping his eyes peeled. Eventually, the smooth, comfortable feeling of soft leather under his hands and the quiet, familiar neighborhoods lull him into a feeling of peace. Until he hears the camera shutter.

A quick glance to the side reveals Yixing's idiotic partner snapping selfies, in their damn squad car, while on duty. Yixing can deal with Sehun mocking him, but he can't tolerate him disrespecting their job. He hastily pulls over, sliding into a parallel parking spot with such speed and precision, he might as well be teaching Driver's Ed. Sehun remains ignorant to their surroundings, continuing to mess with his phone and tapping his foot against the dashboard, smearing dirt against the formerly very clean surface. Yixing clears his throat.

"What do you think you're doing?" Yixing asks with a lot more calm than he feels.

Sehun startles, his sunglasses slipping down his face as he tries to shield the screen of his phone with his hand.

"Cop stuff?" Sehun says weakly.

From the center console, Yixing's own phone beeps. His eyes travel down to his phone and then back to Sehun's face.

“Seriously? Did I just get an Instagram notification? Did you tag me in a selfie you took when you were supposed to be looking out the window for crackheads and rapists?" Yixing says, the edge of his mouth turning down in disappointment. Sehun swallows nervously, rubbing his thumb along the slick plastic edge of his phone.

"I, um, well," Sehun shifts uncomfortably in his seat, blinking, before brightening up, a small smile on his face. "You follow me on Instagram?"

Yixing sighs and rests his head against the steering wheel. It's going to be a very long day.

--

Two hours of patrolling the streets with only one traffic violation for distraction has left even Yixing bored and dangerously annoyed with Sehun's constant fidgeting. Every few minutes, his partner is twisting or turning in his seat, folding his long limbs into strange positions and then reverting back again. Yixing's back hurts just seeing his horrible posture. It's too hot for so much shifting around. The collar of Yixing's uniform is damp with sweat and he's desperate to get out of the car, if only for a few minutes. He turns the corner in another placid neighborhood, wondering if maybe they should stop somewhere for an iced coffee when their radio finally crackles to life.

"Any vehicles in the area of Bradway, we've got reports of indecent exposure. Suspect is described as short and sassy."

Yixing hesitantly reaches out for the radio handset. At least once a week, Kim Jongdae is out on Bradway, wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath and waving his willy at anyone he thinks is cute. It's not exactly thrilling police work, and Yixing certainly didn't join the force to help drunken idiots put their pants on, but Sehun starts shifting again in his seat and that's all the impetus Yixing needs to grab the handset. Anything is better than sitting in the car even a minute longer.

"This is Car 22, we're in the neighborhood, we'll head out that way," he says, turning the car around and backtracking a few roads. The suspect is remarkably easy to find, sitting on his front porch in his tan trench coat. Yixing steps out of the car, Sehun following right behind.

"Hey there, Mr. Kim. What are you doing out here today?" Yixing asks, hands perched assertively on his hips as he approaches the porch. Sehun mimics his posture with much less confidence, but the attempt is appreciated nonetheless. At least he's making an effort. Yixing half-suspected Sehun might wait in the car and play games on his phone or something.

Jongdae gives them a coquettish smile, leaning back on the steps. The edge of his trench coat travels higher up his bare legs. "Just enjoying the weather, officer."

Yixing presses his lips together. "Are you enjoying it naked, Mr. Kim? Because we've got reports that you've been flashing your weiner. You been flashing your weiner, Mr. Kim?"

Jongdae's posture changes from relaxed to defensive and Yixing is close enough to smell the peppermint schnapps on his breath. "They wanted to see it!"

"No one wants to see it, Mr. Kim."

Sehun pops up over Yixing's shoulder. "I kinda want to see it..."

Yixing turns to chastise Sehun not to encourage criminal behavior at the same time Jongdae grins and flings open his trench coat, releasing his trouser snake into the world. Jongdae leaps off the porch, cackling madly, his trench coat waving behind him merrily as he bolts down the street. Sehun freezes in place, still as a statue, as Yixing pushes past him, tearing off after Jongdae and radioing for assistance. There's no time to check if Sehun is following behind, he'll have to survive without a babysitter until the suspect is caught.

Yixing considers himself quite fit, but even still he can't manage to catch up to Jongdae. He's like one of those pocket-sized dogs who runs so fast that his tiny little legs are just a blur. The road is luckily empty and no one is forced to see Jongdae's bouncing twig and berries, but Yixing has no idea how he's going to catch up. He's starting to get winded and thinking about going back to get the car when a tall officer charges out of the bushes and tackles Jongdae onto the ground.

For a moment, Yixing's heart beats a little faster and he is strangely proud. Sehun actually managed to do something right? Maybe there really is a good cop hidden somewhere deep inside him. When he jogs over to assist, it quickly becomes obvious the person holding down the suspect is most definitely not his rookie. Though he is struggling a bit with Jongdae's wriggling, Yixing recognizes the officer as Huang Zitao, another rookie from Sehun's graduating class at the academy. Moments later, his partner, Junmyeon, comes bursting out of the bushes, pink in the cheeks and hat askew.

"Nice tackle, officer," Yixing says, impressed. Zitao preens, cuffing Jongdae with exaggerated gestures before leading him away. In the distance, Yixing can see Sehun slowly ambling over, pausing every few seconds to lean over and catch his breath. In contrast, Zitao is fierce and strong, firm muscles spread nicely under his uniform. Sehun looks like a skinny fourteen year old in a cop costume.

"Thanks for getting out here so quick," Yixing says to Junmyeon, the pair of them standing aside and watching Zitao struggling to get Jongdae's coat closed while not accidentally grazing his man-parts. It's great to be the senior officers.

Junmyeon smiles softly. "It's good to get Zitao some seasoning. He has a lot of ambition and no experience to back it up."

"He looks pretty capable to me. Any chance you want to trade rookies?" Yixing asks, only half joking.

Junmyeon shakes his head. "He spent the entire morning in the car taking his hat on and off, repositioning it so it would look "effortlessly authoritative". Anytime you want to start the paperwork for a partner transfer, you let me know."

Yixing smiles tight-lipped and goes to retrieve Sehun. Looks like it's back in the car for the two of them.

--

Sehun seems moodier than usual after their break from the confines of the car. Yixing chalks it up to embarrassment from being shown up by another newcomer, but he doesn't know what to do about it. He promises himself that the next time they have to run someone down, he's going to let Sehun get a piece of the action. The exhilaration of taking down a criminal might do some good for Sehun. But that still doesn't solve his current attitude problem.

Yixing is just thinking about volunteering to stop for chocolate or Slurpees or whatever ridiculous, childish thing Sehun wants so he'll stop moping and be his normal, annoying self again, when Sehun lets out a loud sigh and turns away from the window.

"When do we get to use our guns?"

Yixing opens his mouth, ready to tell Sehun exactly how he could use his gun, but changes his mind and keeps his comments to himself. His grandmother would be ashamed at his lack of sensitivity. Sehun is new, he's young, he doesn't know how idiotic he sounds. Yixing is the senior officer, it's his duty to teach Sehun, to mold his soft, unbaked cookie dough body into the shape of a fine officer of the law.

"Your assigned firearm is a defense tool, only to be used when the situation requires it," Yixing quotes at memory from the training manual.

Sehun rolls his eyes at the textbook answer. "But can't we go shoot some old beer cans or something fun? Anything fun?"

Yixing gives him a stern look, the kind of look that says are you fucking kidding me, you brat? I'm about three seconds away from pulling down your pants and spanking your dumb ass. How did Sehun even make it out of the academy? Did his instructors give him a pass just to get him out of their hair? Or was he pretty enough to distract them from how incompetent he is?

"The work hours are for working. You can have fun when you're off the clock, Oh."

"Would you be interested in joining me for a bit of after-hours fun?"

"Would you be interested in explaining to the chief why I cuffed you and left you in the back of the car?"

Sehun crosses his arms, flopping back against his seat. “Why am I the only one you’re not perfectly polite to?”

“Why am I the only one you are constantly sexually harassing?” Yixing asks, genuinely curious. Is it his cologne? Yixing was hoping to attract a kind, gentle man, not a vapid pretty boy. He might have to return it.

Sehun scowls. “Seriously, do you even own a TV? Witty banter is essential to a working relationship!”

Yixing is saved from responding to his partner’s nonsensical comment by a call from their radio.

“Car 22, we need a crash report on a minor collision, corner of 5th and Cross.”

“Copy that, we’re on it,” Yixing says, turning the car towards the proper street. Thinking back to the earlier chase, he addresses Sehun cautiously. “You can try to be a little more proactive this time, okay?”

Sehun nods, eager to please. “Absolutely!”

--

Yixing approaches the man standing on the side of the road beside his car. “Hello there, sir, if you could please describe the incident to us-”

“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, ASSHOLE!” Sehun screams, brandishing his gun menacingly.

Yixing watches in dread as the man drops to the ground, hands held away from his body submissively.

“Sir, I’m sorry, please get up off the ground. I’ll be with you in one minute,” Yixing says, grabbing Sehun by the collar and dragging him back to their car. “Put the gun down, Oh! What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was trying to be proactive! You said we could use our guns if the situation required it; he looked shifty!”

Yixing glowers darkly, waiting until Sehun holsters his firearm before shoving a whistle into his hand. “From now on, you use this first.”

Sullen, Sehun looks down at the shiny whistle in his hands. “Is this going to affect my chances of going on a date with you?”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Yixing says. Sehun’s expression brightens and he leans towards Yixing, his hands clutched to his chest expectantly. “Because I was never going to go on a date with you to begin with. Now go wait in the car.”

Sehun’s face falls and he turns away, slinking back to the car like a wounded animal. Watching him go, Yixing almost feels bad for his harsh words. Then he remembers he’s going to have to explain to a civilian why a police officer just pulled a gun on him for no reason and any remorse he feels vanishes. It’s going to take a miracle to get them out of this mess.


--

“Are you mad at me?”

Yixing glares daggers at Sehun. “Yes.”

“How long are you going to be mad for?”

“Forever,” Yixing says, his nostrils flared angrily. “You’re lucky that guy believed you were part of the Teen Cops training program and that your firearm was a very authentic-looking replica, otherwise we’d be down at the station filing a small mountain of paperwork.”

Sehun kicks his foot against the dashboard. “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong, I just wanted to be like a real cop.”

Yixing squeezes the steering wheel tightly. “You are a real cop.”

“Yeah, but-” Sehun waves his hand towards Yixing’s neat uniform and the commendation bars displayed on it. “-not like you.”

Oh. Well, that’s something Yixing can relate to. He’d once been a rookie, too, eager to prove himself to his partner. Kindness had been shown to him, when he struggled to adjust, maybe it’s time for him to pay it forward. Setting aside his pride, Yixing pulls the car over. Sehun turns to him, a questioning look on his face, as Yixing switches off the ignition. He gives Sehun a small smile.

"How would you feel about driving for awhile?"

"Me?" Sehun asks, pointing to himself and quickly scrabbling with his seatbelt, "Yes! Yes, please!"

His face is so effortlessly happy, so genuinely pleased, Yixing can't help but smile back, climbing out of the car and into the passenger seat. Sehun pushes his sunglasses up his nose, checks himself out once in the rearview mirror and then once again in the driver's side mirror, before taking off.

They make it almost twenty feet.

"How did you hit something in four seconds? Four seconds!" Yixing says, burying his head in his hands. Yixing has the patience of a saint, but Sehun could drive a man of god to commit murder.

“It's the sunglasses!" Sehun says, throwing them onto the floor of the car, "I can't see a thing!"

Yixing clenches his jaw. “Then why were you wearing them?”

“Do you promise not to get mad?”

“I’m already mad.” He holds out his hand, waiting for Sehun to drop the keys into his palm.

Sehun slides the keys into Yixing’s hand, peering at Yixing through his fringe. “Well do you promise not to get more mad?”

“No.”

Sehun looks away sheepishly, his cheeks tinted pink. “I thought I looked hot in them.”

Unbelievable. Yixing is partnered with the most ridiculous cop on the force. He squeezes the keys in his palm tightly, feeling the cold metal digging into the skin of his hand, and lets out a slow, steady breath. Yixing tries to muster some compassion. He was a rookie once, too. He remembers what it was like when he was berated for forgetting to fill up on gas and had to push the car to the gas station. And all the paperwork he had to fill out when he misplaced his handgun (twice). And when it slipped his mind to cuff a perp and he had to chase him four city blocks on foot. Everyone makes mistakes.

“You look better without them. Your face is…” Yixing clears his throat. “Not unattractive.”

A smile blooms across Sehun’s face, bright and happy and Yixing almost forgets what an idiot he is.

“Now get out of my seat. If you ever touch these keys again,” Yixing says, swinging the squad car’s keys between his fingers, “I swear I’ll get you assigned to bicycle patrol.”

--

“So,” Sehun says, following another dull stretch of driving with no exciting car chases or murders to distract them, “You follow my Instagram?”

Yixing’s ears turn red but he holds his head high. “I’m your partner, I have to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re not getting into any trouble.”

“Uh-huh,” Sehun says, the smirk on his face making Yixing’s fingers twitchy, “And it wouldn’t have anything to do with all my shirtless vacation pictures from Ibiza?”

Yixing looks determinedly out the front window. “Oh, did you go to Ibiza last year? I had no idea. Wow, I’m getting hungry, what about you? Let’s stop for something to eat.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re hungry,” Sehun says, running his hand down the buttons of his shirt.

--

Their shift is almost over and Yixing is just starting to let himself relax when the call comes on the radio. He was thinking about what he was going to make for dinner (almost definitely a broccoli stir-fry), but a burglary at a nearby store puts him back at high alert, sitting up straighter in his seat and focusing all his thoughts on police work. He confirms the location of the crime and puts them on a direct course. Sehun appears visibly distressed.

“Off the Old Steese Highway? Isn’t that the adult video store?” he says, his voice laced with worry. He leans forward, one hand braced on the dashboard. “Step on it!! We’ve gotta save the porn!”

Yixing raises an eyebrow but speeds up. He swore to serve and protect, and that includes the smut-filled dens of inequity populated by the city’s perverts and degenerates. Besides, it’s the only store in town that sells Yixing’s favorite long-lasting lube.

As they approach the scene of the crime, he turns a worried eye on Sehun. His track record is not great. Maybe he should sit this one out in the car and man the radio? But if he doesn’t start getting experience, he’s never going to learn anything. Being a cop is tough work and sometimes you have to go through a trial by fire.

“Are you ready for this, Oh?”

“Totally psyched up! Ready to kick some ass!” At Yixing’s stern look, he amends his statement. “I mean, let’s go arrest the shit out of them and only use violence if absolutely necessary?”

Yixing nods. Good enough.

--

The building looks deserted. Granted, at this time of day, a store selling cheap lingerie and expensive vibrators is normally empty, but all the lights are off inside and the parking lot is vacant. If Yixing recalls correctly, they shouldn’t open for another hour or two. Not that he’s in the store enough to have memorized their schedule. He’s barely in there once or twice a week. Yixing gets out of the car and tries to observe the situation stealthily, but it’s kind of hard when his partner has the size and grace of an ostrich.

“Get down, Oh,” Yixing says, tugging on Sehun’s pant leg until he drops into an awkward crouch. Now he looks like a tyrannosaurus, which is kind of better? At least it’s a carnivore. “Let’s check around the back.”

Sehun nods, his face a mix of nervousness and excitement. He follows behind Yixing obediently. Bingo, Yixing thinks as they turn around the corner of the building. No detective work needed, this is clearly an in-progress burglary. A white van is parked behind the building, it’s doors open. Inside, there are already stacks of merchandise and two perps are walking towards the van, their arms laden with leather restraints and anal beads (these guys are probably gonna be just fine in prison).

“Freeze! You’re under arrest!” Yixing shouts, charging forward, “Put your hands in the air!” Yixing snags the one closest to him, a tall gangly thing, making him drop everything as he starts cuffing him. The shorter of the two robbers takes one look at their uniforms and bolts. Yixing nods at Sehun, already dragging the first perp back to their car. “I’ve got this one, you get the runner!”

This is it, the time for Sehun to prove himself as a cop.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t pack up some of this stuff first, for evidence?” Sehun says, his eyes traveling over the variety of dildos laying on the ground.

Yixing struggles to shove the handcuffed burglar into the back of the car. “Sehun, go!”

Sehun’s eyes widen. He nods once, looking a bit lost, but gives chase. Attaboy, Yixing thinks, trying to ignore Sehun’s ungainly running movements. They’re going to have to work on looking cool while running later. While Yixing loads his criminal into the car, Sehun pulls out the whistle Yixing gave him and begins tweeting on it. He shouts out the corner of his mouth between blasts.

"Stop, you are being pursued by an officer of the law! Please cease resisting arrest! This is a crime, asshole!"

Despite Sehun’s violent whistling, the criminal continues to flee. With the tall burglar safely enclosed in the back of the car, Yixing follows Sehun. The perp starts gaining ground on them, they’re going to lose him if they don’t act fast. Sehun just keeps tweeting on that damn whistle.

"Your gun! Use your gun, you idiot!" Yixing shouts, willing himself to run faster.

Yixing is proud to see Sehun doesn’t hesitate to pull his gun from the holster. He steadies himself, taking aim on the fleeing criminal. He takes a deep, calming breath and then flings his gun at the running burglar like a big, awkward, ineffective ninja star. It hits the burglar in the leg and he turns around, outraged.

“Dude! What the fuck!” he says, picking up Sehun’s gun from the ground and pointing it back at him, “That hurt! You’re gonna pay for that, asshole!”

“Get down!” Yixing yells, running at Sehun as fast as he can. He’s too late. The burglar fires the gun, the sound earsplitting. Sehun falls to the ground, his mouth opened soundlessly.

“Shots fired!” Yixing yells into his radio, “Officer down!”

The burglar runs off, but Yixing barely notices, his focus solely on Sehun. He makes it over to him in seconds, gathering Sehun up in his arms and cradling his thin body. Sehun looks up at him weakly.

“I knew you wanted to hold me in your arms, I just didn’t know it was going to be like this,” he says, his face deathly white. “Worth it.”

“Shhhh,” Yixing says, trying to keep Sehun calm as blood stains his uniform, “The ambulance will be here soon, don’t worry.”

“Yixing, in case I don’t make it, can you grant me one last request?” Sehun’s voice is thin and weak. “Can you kiss me, just once?”

Yixing looks down at Sehun, startled. He brushes the hair away from his sticky forehead. Shot on the job and bleeding in Yixing’s arms and all the kid wants is a kiss? Yixing always kind of thought Sehun hated him a bit, and maybe that influenced his feelings on the rookie, too. It’s certainly easier to be annoyed by your partner than to admit that you might think he’s a little bit cute. Especially shirtless and grinning on a Spanish beach. Damn you, Instagram! Sehun looks so small in his arms, and so young. Too young. “You really like me, don’t you?”

“Ever since I saw you in the charity wet t-shirt contest,” Sehun says. Yixing can’t help smiling fondly at his audacity.

He leans forward, pressing his lips against Sehun’s softly. “Hold on, okay? I can hear the ambulance coming,” Yixing says against his mouth. Sehun smiles up at him, gentle and sweet, and fades away.

--

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do,” the doctor says, “His uniform is ruined, we’re going to have to throw it away.” The doctor sets the shirt of Sehun’s police uniform on the bedside table and pats the bandage on Sehun’s arm. “The scratch on your arm should heal in three or four days.”

Sehun’s face burns in shame while Yixing tries to hold back his giggles.

“I’m sorry, doctor, if you could just explain again why my partner passed out from a bullet graze across his arm?” Yixing says, his voice sticky-sweet.

“An extremely low pain tolerance. Like that of a small child. Do you gentlemen need anything else?”

Biting his lip to keep from laughing, Yixing allows the doctor to excuse himself and shuts the door behind him.

“Shut up,” Sehun says. He crosses his arms across his chest, his neck and cheeks red.

“Or what?” Yixing asks, grinning, “You’ll faint again?”

“I get it, okay? I know I’m a sucky cop,” Sehun says, biting the inside of his lip.

The smile falls off Yixing’s face and he looks at Sehun, concerned. “What are you talking about?”

Sehun looks away petulantly, “I overheard you talking to Officer Kim earlier, I know you don’t want to be my partner. Everyone knows what a good cop you are, and a good person, and I was really happy when I found out we were going to be partners. It was intimidating working with you, but I really tried my best. I’m sorry I fucked it up. I hope Zitao is a better partner.”

Yixing reaches out for Sehun’s shoulder. “Hey, look at me,” he says, waiting for Sehun’s eyes to meet his, “You make mistakes, you’re clumsy, your attitude sucks and sometimes I want to punch you in the face, but you’re my partner and I’m not giving up on you. Somewhere inside you, there’s a good cop.”

Sehun’s face blooms, slowly, like he can hardly dare to believe Yixing’s words. After a few moments, the unsure look on his face is replaced with a sly grin. “Are you volunteering to be the good cop inside me?”

Yixing sighs and pulls his hand back off Sehun’s shoulder. “Why do you have to ruin a good moment?”

“Unfailing optimism?”

Yixing shoves him, almost delighting in the wince when Sehun’s injured bicep is jostled. “It’s amazing how I manage to put up with you. I should get an award for this.”

“Ha! Like you could get rid of me now. We’re practically boyfriends!” Sehun says confidently, his eyebrows waggling, “Kissing and everything. How about you plant another one on me?” He turns his face and presents his cheek to Yixing expectantly.

“I don’t think so,” Yixing says, his eyes narrowing. Sehun pouts and pulls out his phone. He holds it up between his fingers.

“How about a picture then?” Yixing doesn’t appear to soften up any, so Sehun switches to downright dirty begging. “Come on, I was shot!”

Yixing feels himself weakening. “Fine, just one, okay?” He leans against Sehun in the bed, pasting a smile on his face. Sehun pushes their faces together, taking a photo with his phone and clicking away happily when it’s done.

“Oh, it turned out nice!” he says, busying himself with his phone.

Seconds later, Yixing’s phone beeps. He sighs, checking the Instagram notification. Sehun posted the picture of the two of them, tagging it #boyfriend #partners #cuddling #cute #swag. Yixing turns back to the bed to glare at him and Sehun is smiling at him, unapologetic and completely self-satisfied. Yixing sighs.

He needs to get in contact with Junmyeon, maybe it’s not too late to transfer partners after all.

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  • 1
HAHAHAHAHA.
I was giggling with embarrassment along the way and when I got to "“Are you volunteering to be the good cop inside me?”" I just.
You're cheeky as always. This is cheesy and the part of them kissing in case sehun doesn't make it is unrealistic but really appropriate here hahaha I like it.

Dumb and cheesy is all I know how to write lol, but I'm glad you liked it anyway! Thank you :D

That was fantastic!

There was so much sass and wit; Such an enjoyable read!

Thank you for writing this. I died at Sehun's low pain tolerance.

Sehun is such a dumb baby lol. Thank you for reading!

this is genius frick ive said that same thing in ur other fic Y R U SO WITTY LIKE FRICK I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING

Lmao thank you, my wit(?!) comes from my advanced age and terrible social skills that I must compensate for with laughter. ; )

GOD YOUR SEXING FICS ALWAYS HAVE ME LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AND THIS WAS NO EXCEPTION. you must, must, mUST do a follow up fic for this or i will just dIE.

Lmao! Thank you! If I get any good ideas, I will definitely write a sequel, I think this is a very easy story to jump back into, but in the meantime, I have some more sexing I'm writing, so I hope that will appease you :D

SEHUN IS SO DUMB GOSH I LOVE HIM HAHAHA

YOU BETTER LOVE HIM, YOU MADE ME WRITE HIM <3<3<3 I'm so glad you liked it ; ;

so i kinda died half-way reading this bc i was distracted then i got super fucking sick. but i finished it and im dying for a different reason bc WOW OH SEHUN YOU FUCKING DORK.

sutao tho. i love the sutao. sutao and sexing yessssssss 91-liners with the maknaes yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss

OMG I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY!! Being sick is fucking miserable. ; ; I'm glad you ending up finishing and liking the fic, though! AND OMG I HAD NEVER HAD MY FIC LIVE-TWEETED AT ME, THAT WAS AMAZINGGGGGGGG!!!!

And you are the only person to mention the sutao partners. I wanted them to have kind of a larger part, but there wasn't anywhere to slip in a story about Tao rescuing a kitten from a tree and then hiding it in the car because he thinks it's too sad to send it to animal services and then it pees in the car and Suho is like WTF MY CAR WTF ARE YOU DOIN.... awwwwww LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE OK HE CAN STAY IN THE CAR, HE'S LIKE A POLICE CAT NOW!!!" THANKS FOR READING, IT MAKES ME SERIOUSLY HAPPY WHEN PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHIT I WRITE!!

im better now, like i can actually /THINK/ i hate being sick so often ksjfksdfsdf I LIKE TO LIVE TWEET EVERYTHING FROM WATCHING ANIME/MOVIES/TV SHOWS/READING MANGA/READING NOVELS/READING FANFICS/PLAYING VIDEO GAMES

its an addiction. AND IM GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BC I DID HOHOHO

lmaofffgkd sutao my precious babus. i always find it hard to think of them in as a romantic pairing (but i read fics of them anyway) bc theyre so dorky together in the 'omg mom pls.' 'no tao. no.'

MASCOT KITTY OMG I LOVE LOVE THE IDEA omg imagine baek hissing at the cat in the police station HAHSAHSJDAHS

YOU WRITE THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER SO PLS, TAKE ALL MY PRAISE

*takes all your praise, rolls it into a ball and eats it*

This is so cute and hilarious <3 sehun is such a dorky brat :D
And I totally want to meet perfect officer Yixing with his perfect office record and his mesmerizing nipples... And loved the cute SuTao cameo, this is officially my favourite SeXing fic <3

Edited at 2015-04-10 09:19 am (UTC)

Perfect officer Zhang is my dream man. ; ; glad you appreciated my small nod at sutao, thanks for reading!!

same, he's too perfect already tho
Oh, sutao refuses to be ignored :D

Too perfect??? Noooooo, Yixing is just the right amount of perfect!! :D:D Sutao is my not-so-secret love and I want to write them a fic one day but it's really really really hard to not write about Yixing instead lol.

haha, I guess that's true :D
I'm up for all ships, really - I love 'em all equally and SuTao is just cute :)
Well, I hope you succeed in writing SuTao haha (yixing takes over everything O_O that unicorn is dangerous)
P.S. sorry for getting back at you so late, was busy with exams :/

A late reply is like getting a postcard in the mail that you didn't know was coming! IT'S SUPER EXCITING!! I think it must be really nice to like all the ships, I mostly enjoy Yixing ships with a few randos thrown in, so like only one fic a week that I want to read comes out. BUT THAT'S OK, I WILL JUST WRITE ALL MY OWN!!!!!!!! I have a sutao idea, but I have to think about it for awhile and see if it's funny or not. :P And if I can put up with both of them long enough to write a whole fic lol. Yixing will constantly be in the background being amazing. :P

AND I HOPE YOU DID REALLY WELL ON YOUR EXAMS! IF I HAD TO GIVE YOU A GRADE, IT WOULD BE AN A++! TELL YOUR TEACHERS!!

Oh? then I'll reply late more often haha XD

Yes it is, I figure since I love the whole of EXO, they all sail with me hehe ... though of course Yixing takes preference :D He's not good for my sanity

I hate waiting, so I usually go for ones that are already completed... or I don't start reading one until it completes :P and I read a LOT of oneshots :)

YESHHH! THAT'S THE WAY TO GO! Please, go for it - SuTao needs more attention, I'm telling you. Don't think how stupid it is, just let it flow...

Oh thank you :) I'll tell them that and I'll pass your story as proof of your authority over the subject (nobody can turn down this piece of SeXing goodness O_~)

Ok I lied, a prompt reply is the best reply. >< I love all of exo, too, but any time I read a fic without Yixing, I just think everyone is wasting their time. ; ) THERE IS SURELY ROOM FOR YIXING SOMEWHERE, HE CAN BE A CUTE WAITER OR AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER OR A WEATHERMAN OR SOMETHING, COME ON GUYS!!

Fic does not really flow from me lol, it takes lots and lots and lots of time. This is why I haven't finished anything in months. I am forever jealous of the people who can sit down and write something in one sitting. ; ;

AND YEAH, ONCE YOUR TEACHERS READ MY FIC, THEY WILL BE LIKE YES, THAT LADY IS RIGHT, YOU DO DESERVE ALL THE A'S!!! And then you can quit school and just drive a moped around the parking lot during school hours!!

haha :) fine, I'm gonna be fashionably late, then :D

YSUH!!! THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR YIXING!!!

Well, that kind of flow is rare. I think we all get stuck though and it doesn't go away until you force it away, y'know? keep writing and writing and one day, hopefully, Chen will hit you with one his thunderbolts :D anyway, good luck with whatever you plan on writing, I'm sure you'll finish it (eventually) :D

ooh, that sounds cool... except I don't have a ride :/ sucks - there goes my future as the rogue school driver XD

There's always room for Yixing is a motto that I live my life by. :D:D

I write and write every day, but the things that I write are... not good lol. AND IF CHEN HITS ME WITH A FUCKING THUNDERBOLT I AM NEVER WRITING HIM ANOTHER XINGDAE!! HE WILL BE FORCED INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH BAEKHYUN IN EVERY FIC I WRITE FROM THEN ON!! THAT WILL SHOW HIM!!!!!!! The nerve of that brat, honestly...

I am sure I will finish one of my seven billion works-in-progress soon! I have a lot of half-written sexing, so if you stick around for awhile, something good will eventually pop up lol.

AND DAMN, YOU ARE JUST GONNA HAVE TO PEDAL AROUND THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT ON YOUR BIKE! That's... not going to look very cool. We might have to rethink this entire plan. ._.

Excellent motto :D

haha, its hard to like stuff when you're not inspired - although others probably find it perfectly fine :D
Ooh, taking away Xingdae is harsh :/ so I hope Chen will save himself from being stuck with Baekhyun in EVERY fic and not hit you (he'll find some other way to troll though, I'm sure of it) haha, EXO's a bunch of brats, what do you expect?

And now, I can't leave :/ SeXing (or any thing containing Xing really) is my weakness so yeah, I'll just hang around

EXACTLY! That is so not how I want to be seen :P

Okay, new plan: the school must construct a throne for you on top of the school building, where you can laze about during your free time (the time that used to be school hours before you leveled up in cool) and also reign over the student body with an iron fist. Also they must bring you pancakes. You're not going to eat them, you just like to have them there.

ALL MY FIC IS ABOUT YIXING, YOU ARE IN LUCK!! Except the next thing I am posting, it is suchen, but after that, IT IS GONNA BE ALL YIXING ALL THE TIME AROUND HERE! WHAT TIME IS IT?? YIXING O'CLOCK! I'm... going to work on a better slogan. >.>

I'll admit, I find the idea of ruling over the student body appealing - a good plan to put my plans in action - world domination, here I come!!! XD

YAYYYY!!! YIXING FOR PRESIDENT, YIXING FOR LIFE!!!! (Who doesn't love SuChen?)
haha, Please do :D

This is cute as hell and the plot is reaallly new. I love the cheesy stupid and loving part.

*hugs you forever* Thank you!

MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING THROUGH THE WHOLE FIC. This was so good and oh gOD I just couldn't help but laugh out loud at times. Oh, Sehun, you idiot.

also sexing is love.

Actual laughing out loud! I AM SO HONORED! I really love to hear I've managed to make someone laugh! AND YES SEXING IS THE BEST, but I'm so fucking shocked that dumbass Sehun managed to snag Yixing. WHAT ARE YOUR SECRETS YOU EVIL LITTLE FUCKER??? WHY DOES YIXING LIKE YOU???

Sehun is such a little shit lol i love him

Quietly comes out of the shadows months and months later to say: same. ♥

oh gosh i LOVED this! the banter was fun and sehun was adorable (well, i may be a tad bit biased about that one) and you did such a lovely job with this fic. thank you for writing ♡

SORRY FOR REPLYING SO LATE, BUT THANK YOU FOR READING AND COMMENTING!! This fic was a blast to write and I'm really glad you enjoyed it.^^

So that why they say your the genius of comedy? Theyre right! Ome thanks for sharing all this

SUPER LATE REPLY, BUT WHATEVER, I AM THE GENIUS OF COMEDY, I WILL DO WHAT I WANT!!! Rofl, jk, thanks so much for reading, I'm super psyched that you liked it!!

okay THIS WHOLE FIC WAS RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY AND I HAD TO BE QUIET BC I WAS READING NEXT TO MY MOTHER WHO DOESNT KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET PASTIME BUT

Yixing approaches the man standing on the side of the road beside his car. “Hello there, sir, if you could please describe the incident to us-”

“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, ASSHOLE!” Sehun screams, brandishing his gun menacingly.


THIS PART I LITERALLY chokeD i had to pass it off as a cough

you're so good at writing funny fics ;A; i love your fics so much they always make me laugh

ROFL "secret pastime" This is too shady! I feel like I should be in a back alley somewhere handing out my fic. "Sexing. Sexing. Got some dumb sexing right here." I love that part of the fic you quoted so much, I can see it perfectly in my head. It makes me laugh, too, I'm such a huge loser. But I'm always happy to make someone else laugh, glad you enjoy my fic! :D

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